Who would mind living in austria if they get to sing such a beuatiful national anthem everyday! its short, but its the most beautiful i've ever heard... heh...
BMT just over. now spending my block leave slacking... 3 fast months have flew past... now waiting for my posting, and i'm a little anxious to where i'm gonna land. wish i could be posted to some airborne unit.. but nah, there isn't such units available for chao recruits... oh, and btw, i'm a private already... hehe, not a chao recruit anymore...
there's a great sense of regret and longing. gotta work for what u want man... gotta work.
3 more weeks till end of my bmt! i think im damn alot fitter now! :D I LOVE CHILLI CRAB INSTANT NOODLES! anyway, life has been great! army is like damn fun! and i got SILVER FOR MY IPPT HEH HEH so i get to go home early this weeek :D happy thoughts! <3
Certain things these days have came to my attention, and i realise that as people get closer to each other in terms of relationship, friendship, or just acquaintance-ship, they begin to unravel their darker side, their nastier side, when they dun bother to hide in that facade they've been trying to put up for so long just to be socially deemed as nice as being friend. i guess that's very common, cause not many people can be themselves when meeting new people... we always tend to want to be in everyone else's good books... well, i guess time realise tells alot. who will stand by you no matter what, who will scold and reprimand you just to see you succeed in life, who will be that silent guardian angel who has your back every single time.
oh well, i've definitely been guilty of taking some people for granted over the past year. although i do regret it, i guess i can't do very much about it now. well, i'll just try to be a better person this year.
Looking back on last year, i realised that being low profile is could actually be quite a good thing... at least it draws yourself away from constant limelight and critisizm.... i guess people tend to scrutinize every aspect and just judge so ever readily... i guess maybe portrayal of your personality and actions do play a part in forming others impression of oneself. However to judge so readily and insistently just isn't fair, for he might just be so much more than what he portrays if u even bother to form a good friendship... oh well, looking back sets me thinking further. i guess thats why almost every night i need that 1 hour of music while i'm on my bed to put my mind at ease and stop thinking about things. Nothing beats having your surround sound system placed strategically to emerse you into the world of tchaikovsky, beethoven.......... its simply amazing and it really helps one to put his mind at ease. now i'm just off to my nightly ritual.
wow, these days i've been watching so many movies, and i have to say "the pianist"the movie trumps all those modern shit i've been watching... its so touching, especially when the kind german officer was so kind to the piano guy... sometimes u wonder why good people all suffer. thats why war is never a good thing.... i guess out of the whole show what surprised and touched me most was this scene .
i almost thought the german soldier would be like all the other german bastards, mindless killing freaks... however this german officer was so warm, and offered so much although he being the enemy shouldn't even care. i guess the music summed up the whole relationship between these 2 characters... one of awe, and the other of gratitude. the officer even went to the extend of giving the pianist food and his army coat while they were stationed at his hideout. its by far the most touching shit i;ve watched man... the german dude is damn handsome by the way... hahaa.. though its quite sad that he later got caught by the russians, and died in the prisoner of war camp in russia... well not not all kind people get good ending i guess...
In this extract from a letter to Nadezhda von Meck Tchaikovsky outlines the programme of his Symphony No 4 (1878).
The introduction is the seed of the whole symphony, beyond question the main idea. This is Fate, the fatal force which prevents our hopes of happiness from being realized…..One must submit to it and to futile yearnings. The gloomy, despairing feeling grows stronger and more burning. Would it not be better to turn away from reality and plunge into dreams? O, joy! At last a sweet and tender vision appears. Some bright, gracious human form passes and beckons somewhere….. Little by little, dreams have completely enveloped the soul. All that was gloomy, joyless is forgotten. It is here, it is here, happiness! No! These were dreams, and Fate awakens us harshly. Thus, life is a perpetual alternation between grim reality and transient dreams and reveries of happiness. There is no haven. Drift upon that sea until it engulfs and submerges you in its depths.
The second movement of the symphony expresses another phase of depression. This is the melancholy feeling which comes in the evening when one sits alone, tired from work, having picked up a book but let it fall from one’s hands. A whole host of memories appears. And one is sad because so much is gone, past, and it is pleasant to remember one’s youth…..There were happy moments when young blood pulsed and life was good. There were gloomy moments, too, irreplaceable losses. All that is indeed somewhere far off. And it is sad and somehow sweet to bury oneself in the past.
The third movement does not express any definite sensations. It consists of capricious arabesques, elusive apparitions that pass through the imagination when one has drunk a little wine and feels the first stage of intoxication. The soul is neither merry nor gloomy. One is thinking of nothing; the imagination is liberated, and for some reason sets off painting strange pictures. Among them one remembers the picture of a roistering peasant and street song. Then somewhere in the distance a military parade passes. These are completely disconnected images, like those which flit through one’s head as one is falling asleep. They have nothing to do with reality; they are strange, wild and incoherent.
Fourth movement. If you find no cause for joy within yourself, look for it in others. Go to the people…..A picture of festive popular rejoicing. Scarcely has one forgotten oneself and been carried away at the sight of someone else’s pleasure than indefatigable Fate returns again and reminds you of yourself. But others pay no heed to you. They do not even turn round, they do not glance at you and do not notice how lonely and gloomy you are. Oh, how gay they are! How lucky they are that all their feelings are simple and spontaneous. Reproach yourself and do not say that all the world is sad. Simple but strong joys do exist. Rejoice in other’s rejoicing. To live is still bearable.
From a letter by Peter Tchaikovsky to Nadezhda von Meck. Quoted in John Warrack, Tchaikovsky, Hamish Hamilton, 1973, pp. 134-136.
