My Band Life

2009-06-17T20:08:00.002+08:00

Who would mind living in austria if they get to sing such a beuatiful national anthem everyday! its short, but its the most beautiful i've ever heard... heh...

BMT just over. now spending my block leave slacking... 3 fast months have flew past... now waiting for my posting, and i'm a little anxious to where i'm gonna land. wish i could be posted to some airborne unit.. but nah, there isn't such units available for chao recruits... oh, and btw, i'm a private already... hehe, not a chao recruit anymore...

there's a great sense of regret and longing. gotta work for what u want man... gotta work.

2009-05-25T16:09:00.003+08:00

3 more weeks till end of my bmt!
i think im damn alot fitter now! :D
I LOVE CHILLI CRAB INSTANT NOODLES!
anyway, life has been great! army is like damn fun!
and i got SILVER FOR MY IPPT HEH HEH
so i get to go home early this weeek :D
happy thoughts!
<3

2009-01-28T04:09:00.002+08:00

Certain things these days have came to my attention, and i realise that as people get closer to each other in terms of relationship, friendship, or just acquaintance-ship, they begin to unravel their darker side, their nastier side, when they dun bother to hide in that facade they've been trying to put up for so long just to be socially deemed as nice as being friend. i guess that's very common, cause not many people can be themselves when meeting new people... we always tend to want to be in everyone else's good books... well, i guess time realise tells alot. who will stand by you no matter what, who will scold and reprimand you just to see you succeed in life, who will be that silent guardian angel who has your back every single time.

oh well, i've definitely been guilty of taking some people for granted over the past year. although i do regret it, i guess i can't do very much about it now. well, i'll just try to be a better person this year.

Looking back on last year, i realised that being low profile is could actually be quite a good thing... at least it draws yourself away from constant limelight and critisizm.... i guess people tend to scrutinize every aspect and just judge so ever readily... i guess maybe portrayal of your personality and actions do play a part in forming others impression of oneself. However to judge so readily and insistently just isn't fair, for he might just be so much more than what he portrays if u even bother to form a good friendship... oh well, looking back sets me thinking further. i guess thats why almost every night i need that 1 hour of music while i'm on my bed to put my mind at ease and stop thinking about things. Nothing beats having your surround sound system placed strategically to emerse you into the world of tchaikovsky, beethoven.......... its simply amazing and it really helps one to put his mind at ease. now i'm just off to my nightly ritual.

2009-01-16T02:10:00.002+08:00

wow, these days i've been watching so many movies, and i have to say "the pianist"the movie trumps all those modern shit i've been watching... its so touching, especially when the kind german officer was so kind to the piano guy... sometimes u wonder why good people all suffer. thats why war is never a good thing.... i guess out of the whole show what surprised and touched me most was this scene .

i almost thought the german soldier would be like all the other german bastards, mindless killing freaks... however this german officer was so warm, and offered so much although he being the enemy shouldn't even care. i guess the music summed up the whole relationship between these 2 characters... one of awe, and the other of gratitude. the officer even went to the extend of giving the pianist food and his army coat while they were stationed at his hideout. its by far the most touching shit i;ve watched man... the german dude is damn handsome by the way... hahaa.. though its quite sad that he later got caught by the russians, and died in the prisoner of war camp in russia... well not not all kind people get good ending i guess...

off.

Tchaikovsky 4th Symphony

2008-12-26T21:09:00.004+08:00

In this extract from a letter to Nadezhda von Meck Tchaikovsky outlines the programme of his Symphony No 4 (1878).

The introduction is the seed of the whole symphony, beyond question the main idea. This is Fate, the fatal force which prevents our hopes of happiness from being realized…..One must submit to it and to futile yearnings. The gloomy, despairing feeling grows stronger and more burning. Would it not be better to turn away from reality and plunge into dreams? O, joy! At last a sweet and tender vision appears. Some bright, gracious human form passes and beckons somewhere….. Little by little, dreams have completely enveloped the soul. All that was gloomy, joyless is forgotten. It is here, it is here, happiness! No! These were dreams, and Fate awakens us harshly. Thus, life is a perpetual alternation between grim reality and transient dreams and reveries of happiness. There is no haven. Drift upon that sea until it engulfs and submerges you in its depths.

The second movement of the symphony expresses another phase of depression. This is the melancholy feeling which comes in the evening when one sits alone, tired from work, having picked up a book but let it fall from one’s hands. A whole host of memories appears. And one is sad because so much is gone, past, and it is pleasant to remember one’s youth…..There were happy moments when young blood pulsed and life was good. There were gloomy moments, too, irreplaceable losses. All that is indeed somewhere far off. And it is sad and somehow sweet to bury oneself in the past.

The third movement does not express any definite sensations. It consists of capricious arabesques, elusive apparitions that pass through the imagination when one has drunk a little wine and feels the first stage of intoxication. The soul is neither merry nor gloomy. One is thinking of nothing; the imagination is liberated, and for some reason sets off painting strange pictures. Among them one remembers the picture of a roistering peasant and street song. Then somewhere in the distance a military parade passes. These are completely disconnected images, like those which flit through one’s head as one is falling asleep. They have nothing to do with reality; they are strange, wild and incoherent.

Fourth movement. If you find no cause for joy within yourself, look for it in others. Go to the people…..A picture of festive popular rejoicing. Scarcely has one forgotten oneself and been carried away at the sight of someone else’s pleasure than indefatigable Fate returns again and reminds you of yourself. But others pay no heed to you. They do not even turn round, they do not glance at you and do not notice how lonely and gloomy you are. Oh, how gay they are! How lucky they are that all their feelings are simple and spontaneous. Reproach yourself and do not say that all the world is sad. Simple but strong joys do exist. Rejoice in other’s rejoicing. To live is still bearable.

From a letter by Peter Tchaikovsky to Nadezhda von Meck. Quoted in John Warrack, Tchaikovsky, Hamish Hamilton, 1973, pp. 134-136.

TJC CNY Celebration Performance

2007-02-17T20:44:00.000+08:00

well, yesterday there was chinese new year celebration in school, and the band had to perform some songs for the non runners. I cant really comment much, and neither can any audience comment much too. Our volume was just too soft, inaudible. I guess open air playing isn't TJCSB's forte. Hmm, then the band did some selling of "snacks and stuff in a some paper cone" kinda thing, and cookies too. Sales was not bad i guess. I realise im quite a good seller, hehe, managed to get my friends to buy some. school ended early so i went back to VS and managed to catch up with my band friends. It ceratinly has been a long time since i've hang out with them. After lunch at Pizza hut, we headed of for some SOCCER!!! Got thrashed by a group of small boys 6 - 0... but i say it was a good game nonetheless. well, it will be long before we can get back to play soccer together again. so i guess we really treasured the time we played together even though we were losing. and as you know whenever Kejian plays soccer, he will confirm plus chop get injured. and there's my leg, ouch.

now my left index finger nuckle area is "feelingless". when i play flute for long hours it gets plastic like. along with it usually comes pain in that particular bone. thats partly one of the reasons for the occasional trips to the toilet. other reasons is of course to check the tone and stuff. sometimes i wonder why i have this kinda thing when nobody else have. is it a blessing of some sort?, that will stop me from overpracticing? possibly?

These days my tone is evolving. evolving into those of more translucent, transparent tone, cleaner, more liquidified, but yet lacks the power, the core, the thickness that my ex-tone used to have. not that any was good in the first place. but well, i love my older sound (sec4) , but i like the cleaner quality my current sound has. Someone enlighten me on how to get the best of both! Now I'm pretty flexible and can change from one to another, but I cant incorporate both into one! Why do i suck so much man? help me!
i dunno why every new year there's always something not so pleasant happening my friends... one is to that little sister i've always always dreamed of having. another is to that little baby who CAR-es too much for others that now she has to care for herself more. and the last is to that chubby little thing that always tempts me. i wish you 3 all the best. somethings are beyond our control, but control is ours, and if we fight hard enough we can earn to power to control. but one must reason out why we want that control. are we being selfish? are we too self indulgent on something? or are we just plain greedy?

SSO - Elgar Anniversary Doubling Up

2007-03-24T23:12:00.000+08:00

In love. Totally in love. Oh my, this concert melted my heart away. Elgar is a genius at melting me like a chocolate melting sia.. white chocolate to be exact.. hehe.. well the concert started of with this piece called Four Scottish Dances, Op. 59 by Malcolm Arnold. this is by far the best start to a concert i've been to. brilliant composing. i'm in love with him now. well from then it got better, with elgars works Chanson de matin Op.15, No1 & 2, and Salut d'amour Op.12. The Salut d'armour if i'm not wrong is translated to greetings of love? hmm a very familiar piece. oh yar and the third movement of the four scottish dances reminded me of her. it was so emotional lar that piece. as i sunk into my chair, flashes of her face keep going through my mind. I couldnt help but not think of her. There was tears for the beauty of the piece, and tears for myself. I'm never there, i'm never enough. shing wei agreed too. well brothers have a common thing you might say. Well the subsequent pieces play were nonetheless fantastic but a little too deep and long for my taste. i guess it takes some time for me to digest such pieces. takes time to appreciate..

Good buddies are hard to come by. New friends are always the indicator of your initiative. Old friends are the measure of how you treat your friendship. "More than friends" friends are your definition of "more than friends". Well today i managed to catch up with some of my buddies. i'm happy, especially when we share a common liking for music. and as we sit there mesmerized by the music of SSO, i begin to wonder, it would be very different if i were to be watching the concert by myself. i'm so lucky to have you guys. as po liang said qoute " bros before girls " yep, i cant say of that as totally true. but i definitely treasure my bros more. for they are the one that stands by me all the time... anyway bro's doesnt mean have to be guy, can be girl too.. and girls means u know your wife... kinda?

well here are some pictures, some of the past old days, and some that portrays that undying passion and love for their wives. i love you, but i have to let you go for im not good enough for you. to my flute, my parents will kill u if u mislead me.

Weird week

2007-04-14T22:23:00.000+08:00

ooh, just yesterday we had tutor session! this guy called terence teow came down to teach us. ive heard about him from nigel and tommy, and finally i get to see him. oh my, he was great in teaching. it was very productive when i learnt from him cause whatever he said didnt contradict what i was being taught, and further more he reinforced whatever i knew was right. generally i felt that there is an improvement in the section, and i'm glad that the current 5 man section can sound bigger than the size suggests. hmm, although i did improve, i'm just too inconsistent and i sounded bad once again today. consistency is really one thing that i need. i hope i can get better over the course of this month. i'm really praying that i can perfect my tone. oh well, and i learnt that a little air sound wont kill, although i'm pretty insistent on having no air sound in my tone. argh... i just want something i like lar.

well, finally stage band and skit pracs had some progress. looking back on the past weeks, they were like totally slack, now at least the skit is taking shape, and more people are coming down although the numbers are still pathetic. must give credit to karilyne man.. those days i see her just so stressed up and fed up with some irresponsible people, when she herself has troubles. i think she has really sacrificed alot, kudos to her. anyway, after stage band almost everyone was molesting my flute. argh, and the our poor little child(piccolo). oh my, they were filthy when i got them back, had to do lots of polishing.

I'm still considering whether or not to play for TJ alumni band. They sound fantastic, and i want to play in that band, but time is not on my side. That is one thing i have to manage well. Time. I just need more time! Guilty i have been, for this past week. My work load is piling up and at the rate i'm going, i'll be so far behind. Speaking of alumni, vs alumni of the 70s, and yes u heard that right, 70s, have organized an alumni band meeting on the 28th, which happens to clash with the exchange date. grr. i wont be able to attend. I'm guessing that they want to rebuild the band or start an alumni band. any way it goes, it would be great.

Lastly, Victoria School Concert Band, band number 19th, Silver. That says it all. I remember 2 years back it was a totally different story altogether. It went. Victoria School, Gold with Honours(pms voice). WOOAH$@#$^$%&^@%#. Back then it felt great cause we deserved it as lots of effort was put in. Well, i feel sad,not that we got silver, not that we played badly, its because they did not do enough to achieve that level of music which would leave us melting in awe. It was good, but not fantastic. I know they are capable of better, definitely much better. Generally it boils down to how much you want it which is shown in actions and not words. In band now lots of people claim they want GWH, then the contradict themselves by not coming for band, and not doing self practices. I dunno how much they want it, but i want it and that is for sure.

TJCSB SYF BAND CENTRAL JUDGEING

2007-05-11T22:51:00.000+08:00

GOLD. says it all pretty much yeah?
4 weeks ago, we could taste the silver,
3 weeks ago, silver was almost over,
2 weeks ago, gold was within sight,
1 week ago, we were putting up a fight,
this week, we were god-like,
today, we were dog-like.

yesterday, i was still dreaming of playing in band presentation night at esplanade, as have all the sso players had played there. aspiring to be like them is one thing, to be is really another matter. Today, we really were aspiring to be a gwh band, rather than being one. The rehearsals before the actual performances were super nice, and were really one of the best band moments of my entire "band life". The music we made was really emotional, and i could really feel the music. Nigel said we were "godlike" during band prac, i always thought that we didnt, till the recent week.

After the announcement of results, it was like a death sentence that was just passed against our favour. people started crying and tearing. mostly girls of course, while at the other ends of the hall, other gold bands were either emotionally stable, or overjoyed. I had this smile plastered on my face, as if telling the whole world that im so satisfied with gold only, when deep inside it hurts so bad, that the all the smiles was a facade to hide all that anguish, pain, injustice, and all that crap. My tough bros broke down. That just shows how much the gwh meant to us, and not getting it was devasting.

Now i know how powerful words are. Just without the 2 additional words added behind the award, and it sets the mood for the remaining of the day. Just came back from taipaning, thanks elliot. Now that we didnt get gwh, conditions for our band isnt favourable man. shall not go further man.

To my friends that feel sad and all, dun be, cause we did our best and our best got us the gold. Lets all treasure this gold award, treasure our friendships and the times we spent together. My heart might be with VS, but my spirit and determination is with TJ band.

I dont know why,
but I didnt cry.

TJCSB Prelude 27 Performance

2007-05-20T15:31:00.000+08:00

A totally awesome day yesterday man. Full of emotions, full of laughter, and everything was an up, no downs. TJCSB J1s

Come to think of it, earlier this year, during the syf period, I did once questioned myself if I did make a right choice in wanting to join TJCSB, instead of MJ, or somewhere else. Then i couldn't see myself going on with a slack band culture, one even worse than the 4 year experience i had in VS. But things started to change around pretty soon once that thought started to linger in my mind. SYF practices intensified and attendance were improving. Then in a flash SYF had come and gone.

After SYF, i was expecting a whole new cycle of people ponning pracs and having the heck care attitude towards band. and Did they prove my expectation wrong? They certainly did. After SYF attendance was even better. Focus during practice was better, and fatigue levels in everyone were low.Stage band practices were much more efficient and people started to take stage band more seriously. Even Andy who is triple science started to stay back to as late as 12 something. And the usual people stayed back even later than usual. People like, Trinity, Jit rui, Tommy, Audrey, Jia yi, Brina, Hong yu, Biing yi, Sin chin, Crystal, and Grace, and the entire stage band.

Prelude 27 was definitely a success, a sold out concert says it all, and on top of that we played music that was just simply magical. Hymn to the sun was i would say orgasmic. Under less pressure (unlike syf) we simply played our hearts out, and the result was a hymn that left both the audience and performers awed and teary. Someone told me lin shen teared at the letter S and T of hymn to the sun. Remember the days when everyone thought hymn to the sun was a stupid piece for syf at the beginning. Now it has become part of tjcsb's list of "magical" songs along side the chosen and more.

Given only barely less than 5 hours of practice for each of the pieces performed at the concert, i would say it was a job well done. around the world was i feel a rather safe piece, but it was a safe and nice piece, and solos were super. hymn to the sun was godlike, 3 Extra ordinary journeys (actually is was only 2) was smooth, Les miserables was quite emotional at some parts. Cant take my eyes off you was soso i guess... but was the best i've done. Given 4 days to practice, a pat on my back for the effort.

Stage band was super! our hard work finally paid off! I have to say it was enjoyable to watch the whole production come together. Everyones acting was like thier best and and voice overs did a great job voicing them. stage band was as usual zai. In all stage band 07 was a huge success, and many came up to me to praise our stage band performance. Once again fairy god father was gay. man i was super gay up stage. come to think of it, haha i really did manage to conquer my fears and stage fright.

lastly i would like to thank my batch mates and juniors from VSCB , my students from damai sec, fiesta friends, cliff, shing wei, and everyone else for coming to support TJCSB. I'm sure u guys had a great time, and im glad u guys did.

TJCSB - the best decision of my life

Pas de Deux - TJC Chamber Ensemble Performance

2007-05-27T22:53:00.000+08:00

Ooh, just came back from a traumatising dinner experience... touchiness from a guy to girl is understnadable, but from a girl to a guy is so un-understandable... ooh, die nah sia.. i better not think... although she's cute man... but eeyer, stop thinking!!!

anyway, today was chamber concert. got invited to play for the carnival of the animals. was pretty challenging for one of the movements... but overall i managed to fake through. hehe.. the rehearsal was like 95% of waiting and doing nothing. was quite bored, but lucky have qin jie with me. now i officially owe him like 11 bucks plus. man im so broke. anyway, was a fun experience playing in a string ensemble... i would get a greater picture this coming friday. we'll see.

TJCSB Handover & VJC Strings Performance

2007-06-01T23:24:00.000+08:00

Well, in the morning we had clean up of the band room, and oh my, u should have seen the state of our band room before and after. what a stark contrast. Had to do sia kang with the chairs and stands... haha i dun really understand how dirty those can be.. other than people like someone fom basses farting on the chair. haha... ooops.. well thats makes me come to think of the j2s. i'm so going to miss them !! haiz.

After clean up, did some ppt preps, then was the handover... congrats to the new exco, and i can see great promise in the new comm... haha... as for me, once an SL, always an SL. vs kena sl, now kena again.. haha.. i'm expecting a fun year next year... the intake(for flutes) better be good man.. haha.. After all the announcements, it was powerpoint viewing all the way... oh man, jia yi's good at ppt man... kudos to her. she did great on the ppt. i bet all the stage band people loved it. well, i certainly did, and the subsequent j2 ppt was great too... the only thing i didnt get to watch fully is the stage band vid!!! argh... nvm i shall wait patiently.. hehe

After all that reliving of memories of stage band, i chionged down to VJC for rehearsal. Todays's concert was great man. It was to me an achievement to completely perform an entire symphony! first time sia.. was exhausting but was nonetheless enjoyable. I'm so lucky to have been given this opportunity to play in an orchestra.. thanks trevor! mr tze! Many of my distant and closer friends came to watch the concert. and i must say i am so surprised to find that many of my distant friends still remember me! hmm, thats a good thing! haha.. Well my band life ends this month on a high note. A concert i would never forget. Nice working with raphael and jin hern. I've learnt alot and i will be continueing to do so.

Concert was over, and i had a small chat with rennald... hmm maybe a medium chat... well, i suddenly realised that we have alot in common, though i didnt voice it out... our parents are super unfsurportive of our music carrier dream, and also his music journey was somewhat like mine, definitely not smooth sailing... as i listened to his story and all, i realised something... hey! i'm not the only idiot thats trying so hard for something that i wont do in future... but fuck it man, i want to. that aside, i let my studies do the talking. I can remember the first time i saw rennald... and i didnt see anything else but his face, trust me man... haha its hasnt his errhem in the tiolet i saw...

study all the way... i'll make sure i dun screw my life up further anymore... prioritize... focus...

I might not be good, but I try my best.
I might not be the best, but I try to be better.

New resolution for my section? or rather the next year intake?
Be the best flute section in Singapore!
thats was what i once told my VS juniors, but well i guess it boils down to passion.

Trying is never enough, Be it.

VSCB send-off

2007-06-06T01:47:00.000+08:00

Well, today was the day my juniors in vs set off for their australia trip. By now they will be in the plane to auatralia. Hmm.. after much studying, i set off as planned and headed to the airport, and oh my i was surprised that the whole band was there! I thought i will be earlier than them, but i guess i was wrong. At first i looked around to find my friends(batchmates), but none came. Felt kinda bored, but oh well then came wei xiang and ramu! Talked to them quite abit. hmm and i found out that well studying music isnt all that impossible. at least i know that ramu my senior did it. it all came to one point where i was left staring at them queuing up to check in their luggage. then i realised how jealous i was of them, to be able to go overseas with their friends and have so much fun. I had my fair share of fun 3 years back, but somehow i felt that i wanted relive those moments so badly. I got to talk to mr tan quite abit. felt good. i never imagined myself talking to him about anything else other than techniques... oops... that fear of stepping out of the comfort zone is there... but i guess it takes time. had dinner with wei xiang and alumni gang, mr tan, mr anwar. felt weird cuase i was the youngest... hmm but i guess i'll grow up soon.

i love you a lot. and i say alot means alot, but i dunno how to love u the way i want to cause whenever i show my concern, i get "disconcern" from u. i care for u thats why i can be quite naggy sometimes. i'm sorry, forgive me. like i told her i didnt want anything, yeah i dun think i'm old enough. i just want u to be happy and healthy. nothing more.

2007-06-07T21:18:00.000+08:00

Its all in perspective, does it converge or diverge? Well its very much up to us to decide on how we want to look at it. Actually I have seen this sight for countless of times, but today it caught my attention as I thought about what i just wrote. choose to look on the brighter side and you'll feel so much better and achieve much more. as for me, jia you and your studies!

AMK P.O.P.

2007-06-10T21:30:00.000+08:00

Hmm, today just came back from moulmein. no comments man. i'm lucky to be in SWO. i better start being committed after jcts man. hmm or maybe at the end of year... i miss SWO practices! but the timing for the practices clashes with alot with my tuition and studying... so i made this dreadful choice to take leave... shit... how i wish my time wasnt so clashy...

well yesterday went to AMK p.o.p. with ryan. kinda cool. although it was too formal for my liking, it was good.. haha.. can see that their band very bonded? somehow? ok thats was a guess.. but well after they've been through so much, how to not be bonded... just like the days me and bros kena shit in vs.. we've been through alot man, thats why we remain as bros even though we've gone our different ways. the band sounded not as bad as they claim lar. but u know the amk people humble lar humble.. haha.. then ryan and his habit of er hem.. look around and around.. haha.. i was busy looking too! found 2 toddlers!!(not the ones in the pic) oh man... they blow the same thing as i do, hold the same rod as i do, and blow it with so much love and passion for it!(assumption made) just like i do! oh man... and best of all they're shorter than cheryl!!! cuteness!!! haha.. really look forward to them joining tj man.. then can start a whole new revolution of zai flautists in tj... not saying i zai, i meant the new j1s-to-be. haha.. i suck like shit man i realised.. hmm.. nvm nvm... hmm on top of that still have the zai flautists in the alumni, wah god-like.. ok maybe i'm thinking too far... speaking of toddlers, i was this toddler on the mrt and she was like so cute, i just had to snap a picture of her.. cuteness!

congrats to tommy and nigel for having such cute juniors.. haha.. jkjk.. its an achievement though..haha.

2nd DSA auditions.

2007-06-15T22:03:00.000+08:00

Definition of cute : Audrey (haha)

ooh, just back from tuition, damn tired. today had DSA auditions in the morning, argh that was effectively wasting of such a good morning, where i woke up early and was so refreshed. Well actually it wasnt considered a waste, cause i got to see some pro-ness. Hmm, the 2nd round auditions was definitely better than the 1st. More "serious" candidates came and there was less band pieces being used as audition piece.

Well, i dunno how u would see it lar, but well i just have the impression that if u use a band piece as an audition piece, it shows that u have limited repertoire. well just an impression but well come to think of it, one will showcase his playing better on solo pieces and technical exercises that has that extra challenge and more length of music etc... but well if u play a band piece god-like-ly, its still good.. haha

Well, today there were quite a number of flautists who auditioned. wah sia lar thrash me flat lar i have to say. though i've improved, i was no where at their standard when i was thier age one year back. i must say i have lots to learn from them. hopefully my dream team will get accepted in TJ via DSA, and plus a toddler from amk. With those, flute quartet would be easy, flute choir also can sia. that would mean i'll be the suckiest amongst them. haha its ok, have lots to learn... and like nigel said, if this happens, man its gonna be strong, the strongest flute section in jc band possibly. gd luck to my dream team.. hehe. dream team.. haha.. dream team, haha oh man... what am i saying man.. dream team.. hehe..

i've tried my very best to keep my hands to myself, i'm succeeding... hmm just hope that there wont be another cheryl or audrey in the next year J1 batch.. haha.. though i hope there will be! ^^ as for now study and try not to fail jcts.

Too many things!

2007-06-20T23:41:00.000+08:00

Damn shit. Just too many things happening at once. today i had everything planned out, study with nicholas and audrey at library then go have dinner with seng kiang and then off to MWS prac. But last minute had a change in schedule, so fucked up man my time scheduling. Its like i pissed off and pang sehed two parties for the sake of family time... I'm really sorry but oh well i feel damn bad now. I only attended one practice and now i'm going to play for concert? its super uncommitted, and i'm just not comfortable with not being committed, but circumstances have landed me in this uncommitted state.

Maybe sometimes i just get myself involved in too many things, so much so that i find it hard to handle and juggle everything. I'll have to start asking myself if I am ready to push hard on my studies for the next half year ahead, whether i'm "smart" enough to audition for SAYOWE or not. Lots of things to consider. I am definitely not going to allow myself to fall victim to procrastination and lackadaisical attitude. once bitten twice shy man. Last year went for IMC in the middle of the year, then when came back to singapore, my heart was in US. Definitely contributed to a slow start on my revision. This year hopefully there will be no such major distractions, though IMC was the best thing that happened in my life.

I know i'm not going to finish my revision for JCTs. But well i try to study harder and smarter and hopefully i will get ideal results. This is like the hardest i've slogged for, and yet still have that feeling that i'll see lots of F words, both on the scripts and in the speech bubbles. I'll let my effort decide my fate.

One thing i realised today is that people look their best when they smile. and I realised that my friends' smiles brings a smile to my face naturally... hmm, i think it does. does it? anyway, all the little babies out there smile more! hehe u know who i'm saying yeah? haha..

she hasnt called me for exactly a week, she overseas? kinda worried... did i do something wrong, or is it just that she's busy. oh well, i'll call tmr.

Scherzo 07 Performance

2007-06-24T01:53:00.000+08:00

ooh, back from a concert. I must say this is the first time i'm so under prepared for a concert. At one oint i felt guilty... but ah well, music is about fun and enjoying.. i did have fun and enjoyed so i guess its a good experience. The people there are nice, nicer than i expected, cause i've been to other bands and my are they cold... but this band has life in it anda whole bunch of jokers accompanied with it... rowdy at times and unco-operative at times, but fun and friendly... oh well, i dont think i can join them i want to, too many committments outside of band liao.. haiz...

oh yeah , and managed to make some new friends and meet some of my old friends, alumnis and caught up with one of my good buddy matthew. i'm adding more people to my flute buddy list! thats a good thing... my social circle is widenning! yay! well, met this vscb clarinet alumni performing in the concert as well... no wonder he seemed familiar... oh and met another percussion guy i performed with at VJC strings.. cool guy... yeah acknowledged each others presence.. after that had dinner with matthew at simei... feels really great talking to him, just laughing and sharing... I'm happy that i have such friends! I feel lucky.

here are some photos from my dinner at royal scotts!

I'm glad that u called. sometimes i ask myself who would like the character, but i find myself liking it even though i dun. u confuse me.

Sorting out my thoughts.

2007-07-02T01:54:00.000+08:00

Today i walked around alot, thought about lots of things. The singapore river area is definitely a good place to sit around stroll around and just stare at blank space, thinking. I dunno how i'm going to face it, but i know that it will never happen, it will never be as i expect it to be. Maybe I should just let go. Thanks hakym. Long distance dun work out, and they never will. Despite that, u'll be in wallet for as long as i remember u. luv ya

Well here are some pictures from the singapore river. The fullerton and Victoria concert hall is stunningly breathtakingly gorgeous. The next time you go for a concert at the VCH, take a moment to just stand there and appreciate the architecture.

Suddenly i thought of a splendid idea for year end. I was thinking of gathering all my flute buddies and do something together. Like outing, ensemble prac, camp or something fun. Then can interact and make new friends. Sounds cool. Well for now i gotta improve more to be worthy to be called a flute player.

i think of u all the time, that shows i just think too much that's all. when she's gone, she's gone for good. havent kept in touch for long.. i miss you, but i do not have the guts to start one, for i have a fear that i'm history. though u are to me now. haiz. no more pasts plz.

Practicing injuries and pain.

2007-07-15T00:21:00.000+08:00

Argh! my left index finger knuckle hurts super bad! oh man, sometimes the pain is so excrutiating, i will just suddenly almost drop the flute, or the whole part around the finger gets numb so much so that the pain is felt on the bone instead of the skin. When i went to the IMC, i asked the tutor on how to cure this, and she said that i was holding the flute too tightly, and suggested that i rela my fingers more.. i did that and it ended up in my loosening my grip between lower lip and flute lip plate which resulted in a weaker tone. so i reverted back. Then came terence teow, and he only said one thing. "U've been practicing everyday right?" he said. And well it doesnt take an expert to tell that, at the rate my index finger is rotting.oh man, this pain has been toubling me ever since sec3, i hope my finger will be fine.

Another part of my hands that is in pain now is my right pinky. this one is a new injury i would call it. the worse thing about it is that it hurts all the way to the arm muscles. while typing, it hurts gradually.

my mouth is rotting. to hell with it.

haiz, playing the flute requires lots of sacrifice man. haiz. but the rewards are for greaters than one can imagine. and yeah! i took 3 days to learn faure fantasie! the notes only though. expression wise still learning. hmm just a peek into my practicing way when i'm on my com. hehe.. i find it the ultimate maximizing of time when i'm not studying and just chilling.

thanks for staying by me. u've tolerated the noise i've created, u've tolerated my torturings, tolerated my mistreatments throwing u up in the air like a little baby. tolerated my angry music, tolerated the anger vent on u. U're the only that understands, the only one that just stays beside me and let me cry, shout, rant, grumble. I've had happy times with you, and many a times i have made up my mind to make u my career. but i guess circumstances will not allow me to fulfil that wish. oh well, my flute though u're such a bastard to torture me with those injuries, i still love ya!

at this very day last year, things changed a great deal. one aspect went up, the other went spiralling down hill. choices i made were so wrong. or maybe i made them for my own good?

Real Music - Marist Stella Bands Concert

2007-07-30T00:45:00.000+08:00

Just came back from marist stella concert. It was super funny sia, this concerts all in one sia, have lame MCs, joker audiences, small kid performances, and blah blah blah... haha.. well but i couldnt really enjoy the concert mainly due to my lacking of sleep.

Wah! yesterday i broke the record! talked on the phone till 5am plus. oh man, but i really enjoyed talking to her, after so long! its been like months since we've even met or talked to each other. well i guess one has to take the initiative to keep the friendship. i almost thought i had lost it. In the end i slept all the way to 12 30pm. 7 hours of sleep, but still tired.

Hmm headed off to concert, and oh my, should have seen the crowd, the whole hall filled so fast lar. So happy to see my flute buddies!!! most from marist though. and yar carnival was fantastico! i really hope to work with him again one day. just like on this very day, the 30th of july of last year, at USA IMC. Just browsed through some of the pics, and somehow i could still feel her caressing my fingers, i could still feel that cold wind that penetrate through my thin white jacket. I could feel the pain when we left. I miss them.

Back on course, well back to the concert. Haha, the worst mcs i've ever encountered. haha. entertainment level was so lame that we were kinda laughing at them rather than their jokes. well, and the audiences were retarded. piece havent end then clap. totally spoilt the damn bloody nice song lar. infuriating. grr, lucky they were not so retarded during carnival. well overall i guess the main and alumni bands were impressive. nice one arh cheok!

i love it when u call. hehe. both of u.

2007-08-03T15:53:00.001+08:00

here's a story

her samsung d600(he) is all smashed and lays helpless on the shelf. on the outer he looks so sturdy and well. he looks just like how he used to. being showered with love, always full of smiles, always there for her, always by her side. but in a fit of anger she forgot all about those happy times she spent with him, and threw him on the ground with so much hatred. he could feel that hatred. although he could not understand why she did it, he knew it was not his fault. as she walked out on him, he thought it was all over. but she came back only to find him all smashed up and tears appeared on the screen. he flickered involuntarily, sobbing uncontrollably as he vibrated out of control. only then she had begin to realise how important he was, as she sat and stared at him, she had begun to remember the happier times she spent with him. she want him back so badly now, but hes gone. forever gone.

i guess i'm like the phone, beyond repair. what's said is said. no more "sorries".
as for her, i dun think she cares at all.

i'm sorry phone, to have smashed u up.

The Saints Presentation Night - SAJC Band

2007-08-14T22:40:00.000+08:00

Oops actually this concert was like way back, but well i've decided that good concerts are worth looking back and remembering. Hmm i was very reluctant in going for the concert, mainly because i havent touched my books for like the past few days then. really felt super bad for going/.. but it turned out to be the best concert so far i've been to. taking into consideration the repertoire and the audience and all. they freakin played alleluai laudamus te! very impressive. they also played i need to be in love. the one tj recently played for CNY celebration. a very good mix of genres in the repertoire.. hmm i realised that soloists must have that confidence in order to deliver gd music. somehow after i've seen so many soloists, i realise that those soloist that appear confident and with all smiles give me the impression they know they're stuff... though they might not sound as good as exected, they certainly look impressive.

haha, and so unglam, i bloody wore a white polo T and shorts to concert. omg, haha, its so study type of attire. hmm i met my vs juniors, and my i must say they've grown up alot. feel great for them. hmm come to think of it, 4 years in vs, boys school is not such a basd thing afterall.. haha.. oh yar and thats me and QJ, and we were not doing anything funny.. just sharing a sofa. haha..

2007-08-18T13:51:00.000+08:00

I'm super happy for once. yay!, and i have got to thank someone.. hehe.. anyway, i was scrolling down some pictures taken in the past, and yar some quite recent too, and realised how much fun and smiles there were back then. i missed those times. back in VS, back in US, back in Dec hols, back then simply put haha. Hmmm, now that my camera phone is smashed up, i havent been able to tae any photoes!, grr, but well, soon i'll be taking some, with a real cam.

haha my phone used to be able take photo, listen to mp3, and of course talk and sms. hmm now i guess i'll be having all those functions again!! no no, its not a new phone that i'm getting, haha, just merely using my old phone, then get a new mp3, and a camera. hmm, budget abit. hehe.

i shall post those photos, haha, will make me happier!

Swan Lake on Ice

2007-09-17T00:24:00.000+08:00

Just back from dinner. Its by far the latest i've eaten dinner this month, but i guess it was worth it. I was on my way to tuition when shing wei called me and invited to me to watch Swan Lake on Ice!, in place of his mum, cause she was busy with work. Felt kinda bad cause the ticket was rather expensive and he didnt want to let me pay for it, but i guess i'll find a way to pay him back.

Ever since i've watched the tchaikovsky symphony no. 5 ice skating routine, i was totally mesmerized by how the emotion evoking music of tchaikovsky's works and the sheer brilliance and grace of those talented ice skaters merge to create magic. Music does tell a story, however it has alot to do with ones interpretation and imagination. Add in the skating and dance, and you have it more clearly presented to you. Its like you're serving the audience the story, instead of letting them guess? hmm thats what i felt. Back to Swan Lake. I'm super impressed by their synchronization and choreograhpy. The story, music and choreography were so in sync, especially at the sad parts, that it brought me tears at some point. It seems like i'll be humming the Swan Lake tune more often these days. It just keeps replaying in my head!

I'm so inspired to learn to ice skate! I remember shu fen once told me bout some ice skating place in jurong b4. audrey said it was fun too. i use to question "how fun can it be man, i mean its just skating mah." now that i've seen the pros live, it is definitely the type of fun i'm looking for. but well i guess my first time will be filled with bruise and bumps? who knows, i just might be lucky enough to crack the ice ring with a fall. hehe.

Yesterday I finally picked up my flute, and I must say that it was frightening how thin i sound. AHHH! I wanted to kill someone when i heard that horrifying tone. Hmm, i'm beginning to suspect its my flute that is letting me down, but i shall be a gentlemen and blame my own techniques for producing those noises.

YAY! A few more chapters and i'm done with MATHS!!!! PHYSICS done half way, Push On!!! COMPUTING is still in dire straights! I'm threading on very thin hope of even passing if i dun start tomorrow. The more worrying thing is that i dont know how to start! I'm taking a huge gamble on ECONOMICS. I'll do selective studying and pray that i'm one lucky chap. By far the greatest worry is GP! I've never passed any exam-situation practices!

This is the last week before exams! I really hope that my efforts will not go to waste. I hope for the best. Kejian, you can do it! I know i can! hehe.